Baffled by God’s bigness

by Amy Storms

My son has a habit that I love (and several I don’t love, but they aren’t at issue here). When Nathan is concentrating or confused, he plays with the hair right in the middle of his forehead. He scratches his hairline, or gives his locks a little tug, as if physically stimulating his head will inspire his brain to a higher thought capacity.

Yesterday morning, Nathan came in to my bathroom while I was putting on my make-up. (By the way, does anyone else have trouble talking and putting on mascara at the same time? I can’t concentrate on anything else when that wand is in my hand. But again–not at issue here.) With one fist shoved deep in his pocket, and the other scratching his head, Nathan started, "Mom, ya’ know how God is infinity?"

"Yes." (We’d discussed a few days earlier that God is eternal–that He has been around forever and will remain forever, too.)

"So I was just thinking about how He created the world, and I was wondering, like, WHEN He made it, and then I was like, ‘Wait! He’s been alive forever!’ So do you think He, like, waited awhile before He started creating everything, or–wait! That doesn’t make any sense because He has been here forever! And (scratch) that just sort of makes me feel a little, like, dizzy."

I told him I knew what he meant–that I can’t get my mind around how big God is, either. And I said something I’d read–that, if we could explain everything about God, then He wouldn’t really be God. We shook our heads, baffled by God’s bigness, and Nathan said that he’s definitely going to ask Him that one when we get to heaven.

Nathan bounced out of the room and left me to finish my make-up. I grabbed a toilet paper square to stop a few tears from messing up my fresh mascara, and breathed a prayer for my son: "Let him always be awed by Your bigness."

Fast-forward to yesterday afternoon. I attended a class on our "beliefs" as Christians. Wouldn’t you think that after all these years of following Jesus, I’d be familiar enough with the topic? I have a Bible college degree, for heaven’s sake. But, no. I left that class feeling just like Nathan: completely baffled by God’s bigness, scratching my head, and a little, like, dizzy.

Imagine how big God must be to have created the universe. The truth is, none of us really know exactly how He pulled that off, even though we debate the details as if we did. From mountains to molecules, from this beautiful earth to the countless other worlds beyond ours…He made it all from nothing. Yeah, I’m definitely going to have to ask Him that one, too.

And consider, as we discussed in my class yesterday, the sheer number of thoughts that God must have. At once. At all times. God knows that I’m breathing right now. And He is also thinking about your breath, and your neighbor’s breath, and the breeze outside, and the rotation of the earth, and an infinite number of thoughts that we don’t even think to think He thinks. Dizzy yet?

But here’s the truly huge part: God’s love. God simply is love. He made an amazing world, let us choose our own way in it, and then made an unbelievably gracious plan to restore what we messed up. That’s love. That’s grace. That’s enough to make you scratch your head and fall on your face in worship.

Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I’m too wrapped up in my selfish little world, having tiny thoughts about my wants and worries. Sometimes I think I know all there is to know about…everything. But I am finite, and God is infinite. He will not be contained, and He cannot be explained. His world, His thoughts, and especially His love are big. Very big. It’s good to scratch my head in baffled adoration. It’s good to feel a little, like, dizzy.